I recently did an interview, here’s the question with my response tell me if you agree:
What do you think are the biggest challenges of
young black male teens and youth?
I think the biggest challenges for young black gay males is trying to fit the image bestowed upon the gay community. We live in a community with what I called are filled with Image extremists. This community is anti-fat, anti-dark skin, anti-feminine, everything is gossip and rumor. We live in a community where the minds of black gay males in general or subtle on the fact that HIV/AIDS is an epidemic.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
God is an entity I cannot compete with.
So, I’m “dating” this guy who is far too religious. He fears that he might lose me to his Christianity. I fear that he’s going to leave me a wreck.
What should I do?
What should I do?
Fuzzy & Shawn QT party gets reviewed
A few weeks ago, I had the honor of attending a party filled with Same Gender Loving men.
Quite honestly I thought this party was going to be a typical-superficial-house party. It was the complete opposite. I found no SGL men with effeminate ways. No flamboyance or flaming brothers at this party-oh no. Some even like football-but we wont get into that.
A few things surprised me at this party. Omar wasn’t as reserved as I thought [srry O]. I found out why Fuzzy is called Fuzzy. Shawn was as freaky as he seemed on his blog-oh, and I got to see the dildo he brought.
I’m going to be honest. In attending the party I wasn’t looking to be served so well. There were a variety of food, drinks, and cum [we’ll get to that too]. There was rice, Mac and Cheese--actually hold up, the Mac and Cheese I gots to be honest. Don’t get upset Fuzzy. It was good, it was. BUT it was a little moist. “But Queer Kid of Color its suppose to be moist.” Then, it was too moist. The chicken I loved. There was spicy chicken and not spicy chicken. I enjoyed it. Now, there was also a different type of chicken-and of course, we’ll get to that.
Ok there wasn’t any sex. Unless you count that nasty directed, written, produced, cast, edited, cinematographically-challenged porno we watched. It was one of those porns that you should only buy as a bootleg. For real though, how the fuck do you have the director’s reflection on the mirror while she’s eating and having her porn stars fucking? It doesn’t make sense to me. Someone please explain.
The closes we got to sex was when Dapur D strapped on Shawn’s dildo- By the way Shawn did you boil that dildo?-and tried to penetrate Shawn. Perhaps they were joking, or perhaps I was hallucinating. You decide.
Now I caught Omar rubbing on some stripper man’s cock. It was a beautiful cock nonetheless. It was something out of a classic porn movie. You know, the cocks were actually pretty and likeable. Nowadays cocks are filled with teeth marks, hickies, and a whole lot of---this is a run on sentence.
Omar at the end of the party softened up and got back to Omar. I liked him that way. He’s so cute and smart, if he wasn't touching up on stripper man, I would have made out with him. He can also control his temper. As I noticed when the horniest person at the party mistakenly dropped soda on his white jeans. But we wont get into that.
Fuzzy I thought was going to be this flaming queen who would dare to put a wig on and some shoes and walk around as I admire her ass. But nope Fuzzy was different; nice 8PM shadow, tall, dark, handsome. I could have sworn he was Trent Jackson without hair.
Shawn--omg, let me catch my breath. If he wasn’t Fuzzy’s bf. Well, if he wasn’t Fuzzy’s bf. He would be my best friend….with benefits. He was just this HOT ASS nerd.
Oh gurlll he got me wet.
Ok so!
Some boy was licking whip cream off of some guys butt crack. I was like “he didn’t even clean it.” But it was a cute butt--one with stretch marks and all the makings of a bottom.
I would write more. But I can't go spilling all the T and leave people upset at me. So I'll end it with this; I love it when I go to a party filled with liberals. It gives me material for my blog.
Yes it does.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
I'm selling my virginity.
My virginity is up for grabs. Who wants to be the lucky one to pop my cherry?
Name the price.
Im auctioning off my virginity!
Name the price.
Im auctioning off my virginity!
Six Day Blogger Event Over/Trent Jackson final interview
I will be posting regular blogs in a few hours...
In today's part 2 interview Trent Jackson opens up about the emotional abuse he endure by his mother, his weight, and his future plans.
Queer Kid Of Color: What was some of the emotional abuse?
Trent Jackson : Um, just being called fat, stupid. Her telling me that I was stupid for wanting to be a newscaster, back when I was like 10. Then I remember the moment I wanted to become a writer, she told my teacher that I would never become a writer, and she told me I couldn't be one. So that created a strain right there...it has kind have been my mission to make her eat her words. So while I went to school to pursue journalism she said that she wasn't paying. She didn't I still went and did what I wanted to do. So there is that issue. She doesn't understand I'm different. I am an individual. What it all boils down to is that I didn't have to and I won't put my dreams on hold for someone else as she did. She's jealous of that.
Queer Kid of Color: You mentioned she use to emotionally abuse you by calling you fat. Do you battle with your weight?
Trent Jackson : Yes and no. Being gay and fat is difficult at times. Because people want you to look a certain way. I don't really buy into that. I want to lose some weight, but not to fit into anyone else idea of what I should look like. I have a personal limit for my weight, but with that being said, I'll never be skinny. But
being fat, overweight or whatever is such a horrible thing. Overweight people are socialized to be ashamed and are use to being made fun of. It wasn't really cool to be fat until Mo'Nique challenged people to think different. Then there was Ruben.
But after a while you get use to it because you define your own happiness, based on your standards and that’s what I'm doing now. If you can accept me for the person I am and how I treat you as a human, fuck you. Go settle for the nigga with the 6-pack that’s going to diss you and treat you like dirt.
Queer Kid of Color: Why do you say you'll never be skinny?
Trent Jackson : Because it's not in my genetic make up. Even if I toned up and lost my gut, I'd still be big. Toned but big. I'm a thick boy I'll never weigh under 200, maybe 190...but that’s it
Queer Kid Of Colo: Is there anything you dislike about yourself?
Trent Jackson : yeah....
Queer Kid Of Color: Which is?
Trent Jackson : keeping it too real! You are alone a lot because people can't respect the realness. I don't know why people like to be lied to, cause I sure don’t.
Queer Kid of Color: In retrospect of the things that you're too real about do you feel guilty about some of those things?
Trent Jackson : Sometimes... I think a lot of the stuff I might say on one of my shows may offend people. Even if it is based on truth, it may come as offensive and I really don't want to offend anyone.
Queer Kid of Color: Talking about offending. Has there been any bloggers out there who you in-directly offended and have confronted you about it?
Trent Jackson : No, they are scared of me
Queer Kid of Color: Has there been anyone you've been beefing it out with?
Trent Jackson : The ones I have directly offended have come to me and we've dealt with it, and moved on. Blogger beef is stupid at this point. I understand we’re gay and we're cliquish by nature but for the most part I respect everyone for their own individual talents.
Queer Kid of Color: I have never read of a blogger beef before. All of us black gay bloggers are all pretty tight.
Trent Jackson : There have been plenty of them, but that’s old and in the past. I mean it's whatever. There are a few people that I don't like and when I see them I'll keep my distance
Queer Kid of Color: Who are they?
Trent Jackson : I'll never tell
Queer Kid of Color: You said you keep it real.
Trent Jackson : I do. But there is a line between keeping it real and being without decorum.
Queer Kid of Color: Darn, this would have made for a great tabloid story.
Trent Jackson : I mean it's cool to talk about me and what I do. But for me to talk about someone else is stupid. There is a saying "When speaking with friends do not discuss the rights and wrongs of others" , "When sitting quietly reflect upon your own thoughts."
Queer Kid of Color: Who are some of your favorite bloggers?
trentjacksonlive: Larry Lyons, Clay, I enjoy Frank Roberts; when he's not in school, however his pictures are interesting to look at. You know, there was a point in time when I kept up with everyone and their blogs, but now it's like everyone has a blog and some of the stuff is like, uh...
Queer Kid of Color: I think blogging has lost some of its value.
Trent Jackson : In a sense it has. But however, there are still some enjoyable pieces.
On His Career
Queer Kid of Color: Lets get to the book. Now the book was independently published right?
Trent Jackson : At This Moment, yes, through my Ntrc8te Bliss label.
Queer Kid of Color: It’s amazing that it was able to sell so many copies when it wasn’t going through a publishing house.
Trent Jackson : I was very surprised.
Queer Kid of Color: Why do you think got people so excited about wanting to read the book?
Trent Jackson: Um, I think it's the truth factor. It's very real. It tells it like it is. It's black, it's white. There is no gray. And people can easily relate to that book. It still amazes me how 2 years later people are still responsive, interested and supportive of At This Moment, so for that I'll be grateful, because that’s my personal triumph.
Queer Kid of Color: First of all, I got a chance to take a sneak-a-peek of the sequel [Full Circle] which I LOVE. And thank you for that. When is Full Circle going to be available?
Trent Jackson : Don't make me say a date But definitely at the Top of the year January/February
Queer Kid of Color: Are you sure?
Trent Jackson : Yes. I'm like 50 pages away from the ending. It's just a matter of everyone else keeping their end of the bargain.
Queer Kid of Color: What do you mean?
Trent Jackson: Well, I mean being an independent artist is difficult. You're the first to get blamed and the last one to get credit. Not only am I writing the book. I have to manage the business side. That means I am the accountant, the lawyer, the manager, the publicist, the HR man...I do it all. So if the people that I hire or ask to work with me don't keep their end of the deal, it makes me look less credible which is part of the problem now.
Queer Kid of Color: I wish you the best of luck with that Trent, I’m sure you'll get it right.
Trent Jackson: I'm excited this time around. Especially about the DVD.
Queer Kid of Color: Tell us about that?
Trent Jackson: It's a bonus with my pre-order. It will have 6 episodes of my reality show. It will have a documentary on making both books. An animated feature and I ran into someone I went to high school with that actually has footage of me when I was 20, during the writing process of At this moment. And it also has a behind the scenes of my photo shoot.
Queer Kid of Color: Oh that’s hot! I cant wait for that.
Trent Jackson: I try to add the variety. I can do more than just write...
Queer Kid of Color: Yeah. We’re at the conclusion of the interview, is there anything you would like to add?
Trent Jackson : um...That I can't wait to go out on tour and meet people who support me. All the people that can't see. All the people that have been holding out for me in person. And I want to say thank you, to you for reaching out to me and embracing my work and enjoying what I do. You inspire me in a lot of ways...more than you know. Because if I didn't have people like you that kept me going, I'd stop what was doing and just blend in...you and a few others make what I do more important. It becomes selfless
Queer Kid of Color: Trent that is so heartfelt and warm. Thank you
Trent Jackson : And, I admire the fact that you're young making your mark on the world. That is to be commended. When I was 18, I wanted to be like you-but I was too scared to step out of my shell and do it. So I thank you for being at the realm at the pinnacle of the new generation because so many people are going to look up to you. Look at me and know it's okay to break...cause it's apart of like, just don't let anyone sweep you up.
In today's part 2 interview Trent Jackson opens up about the emotional abuse he endure by his mother, his weight, and his future plans.
Queer Kid Of Color: What was some of the emotional abuse?
Trent Jackson : Um, just being called fat, stupid. Her telling me that I was stupid for wanting to be a newscaster, back when I was like 10. Then I remember the moment I wanted to become a writer, she told my teacher that I would never become a writer, and she told me I couldn't be one. So that created a strain right there...it has kind have been my mission to make her eat her words. So while I went to school to pursue journalism she said that she wasn't paying. She didn't I still went and did what I wanted to do. So there is that issue. She doesn't understand I'm different. I am an individual. What it all boils down to is that I didn't have to and I won't put my dreams on hold for someone else as she did. She's jealous of that.
Queer Kid of Color: You mentioned she use to emotionally abuse you by calling you fat. Do you battle with your weight?
Trent Jackson : Yes and no. Being gay and fat is difficult at times. Because people want you to look a certain way. I don't really buy into that. I want to lose some weight, but not to fit into anyone else idea of what I should look like. I have a personal limit for my weight, but with that being said, I'll never be skinny. But
being fat, overweight or whatever is such a horrible thing. Overweight people are socialized to be ashamed and are use to being made fun of. It wasn't really cool to be fat until Mo'Nique challenged people to think different. Then there was Ruben.
But after a while you get use to it because you define your own happiness, based on your standards and that’s what I'm doing now. If you can accept me for the person I am and how I treat you as a human, fuck you. Go settle for the nigga with the 6-pack that’s going to diss you and treat you like dirt.
Queer Kid of Color: Why do you say you'll never be skinny?
Trent Jackson : Because it's not in my genetic make up. Even if I toned up and lost my gut, I'd still be big. Toned but big. I'm a thick boy I'll never weigh under 200, maybe 190...but that’s it
Queer Kid Of Colo: Is there anything you dislike about yourself?
Trent Jackson : yeah....
Queer Kid Of Color: Which is?
Trent Jackson : keeping it too real! You are alone a lot because people can't respect the realness. I don't know why people like to be lied to, cause I sure don’t.
Queer Kid of Color: In retrospect of the things that you're too real about do you feel guilty about some of those things?
Trent Jackson : Sometimes... I think a lot of the stuff I might say on one of my shows may offend people. Even if it is based on truth, it may come as offensive and I really don't want to offend anyone.
Queer Kid of Color: Talking about offending. Has there been any bloggers out there who you in-directly offended and have confronted you about it?
Trent Jackson : No, they are scared of me
Queer Kid of Color: Has there been anyone you've been beefing it out with?
Trent Jackson : The ones I have directly offended have come to me and we've dealt with it, and moved on. Blogger beef is stupid at this point. I understand we’re gay and we're cliquish by nature but for the most part I respect everyone for their own individual talents.
Queer Kid of Color: I have never read of a blogger beef before. All of us black gay bloggers are all pretty tight.
Trent Jackson : There have been plenty of them, but that’s old and in the past. I mean it's whatever. There are a few people that I don't like and when I see them I'll keep my distance
Queer Kid of Color: Who are they?
Trent Jackson : I'll never tell
Queer Kid of Color: You said you keep it real.
Trent Jackson : I do. But there is a line between keeping it real and being without decorum.
Queer Kid of Color: Darn, this would have made for a great tabloid story.
Trent Jackson : I mean it's cool to talk about me and what I do. But for me to talk about someone else is stupid. There is a saying "When speaking with friends do not discuss the rights and wrongs of others" , "When sitting quietly reflect upon your own thoughts."
Queer Kid of Color: Who are some of your favorite bloggers?
trentjacksonlive: Larry Lyons, Clay, I enjoy Frank Roberts; when he's not in school, however his pictures are interesting to look at. You know, there was a point in time when I kept up with everyone and their blogs, but now it's like everyone has a blog and some of the stuff is like, uh...
Queer Kid of Color: I think blogging has lost some of its value.
Trent Jackson : In a sense it has. But however, there are still some enjoyable pieces.
On His Career
Queer Kid of Color: Lets get to the book. Now the book was independently published right?
Trent Jackson : At This Moment, yes, through my Ntrc8te Bliss label.
Queer Kid of Color: It’s amazing that it was able to sell so many copies when it wasn’t going through a publishing house.
Trent Jackson : I was very surprised.
Queer Kid of Color: Why do you think got people so excited about wanting to read the book?
Trent Jackson: Um, I think it's the truth factor. It's very real. It tells it like it is. It's black, it's white. There is no gray. And people can easily relate to that book. It still amazes me how 2 years later people are still responsive, interested and supportive of At This Moment, so for that I'll be grateful, because that’s my personal triumph.
Queer Kid of Color: First of all, I got a chance to take a sneak-a-peek of the sequel [Full Circle] which I LOVE. And thank you for that. When is Full Circle going to be available?
Trent Jackson : Don't make me say a date But definitely at the Top of the year January/February
Queer Kid of Color: Are you sure?
Trent Jackson : Yes. I'm like 50 pages away from the ending. It's just a matter of everyone else keeping their end of the bargain.
Queer Kid of Color: What do you mean?
Trent Jackson: Well, I mean being an independent artist is difficult. You're the first to get blamed and the last one to get credit. Not only am I writing the book. I have to manage the business side. That means I am the accountant, the lawyer, the manager, the publicist, the HR man...I do it all. So if the people that I hire or ask to work with me don't keep their end of the deal, it makes me look less credible which is part of the problem now.
Queer Kid of Color: I wish you the best of luck with that Trent, I’m sure you'll get it right.
Trent Jackson: I'm excited this time around. Especially about the DVD.
Queer Kid of Color: Tell us about that?
Trent Jackson: It's a bonus with my pre-order. It will have 6 episodes of my reality show. It will have a documentary on making both books. An animated feature and I ran into someone I went to high school with that actually has footage of me when I was 20, during the writing process of At this moment. And it also has a behind the scenes of my photo shoot.
Queer Kid of Color: Oh that’s hot! I cant wait for that.
Trent Jackson: I try to add the variety. I can do more than just write...
Queer Kid of Color: Yeah. We’re at the conclusion of the interview, is there anything you would like to add?
Trent Jackson : um...That I can't wait to go out on tour and meet people who support me. All the people that can't see. All the people that have been holding out for me in person. And I want to say thank you, to you for reaching out to me and embracing my work and enjoying what I do. You inspire me in a lot of ways...more than you know. Because if I didn't have people like you that kept me going, I'd stop what was doing and just blend in...you and a few others make what I do more important. It becomes selfless
Queer Kid of Color: Trent that is so heartfelt and warm. Thank you
Trent Jackson : And, I admire the fact that you're young making your mark on the world. That is to be commended. When I was 18, I wanted to be like you-but I was too scared to step out of my shell and do it. So I thank you for being at the realm at the pinnacle of the new generation because so many people are going to look up to you. Look at me and know it's okay to break...cause it's apart of like, just don't let anyone sweep you up.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
The Fame Trent Jackson Part 1
This past year has been an emotional ride for popular Author and Pod cast host Trent Jackson. And nothing can confirm that more then his blog a few weeks ago. When he revealed his drug use and his near suicidal attempt. In a revealing new interview Trent Jackson gives in a no hold bars interview; the drugs, his relationship with his mother, his relationship with his ex, his newest book, and the suicidal attempt.
http://www.justasktrent.blogspot.com
On Suicide
Queer Kid of Color : Were you contemplating on killing yourself on the freeway?
Trent Jackson : Yes. It's not funny. It's tragic that I was that low (again) I was going to wait on an 18 wheeler and jump out.
Queer Kid of Color : What drove you to even consider that?
Trent Jackson : My reoccurring issues with insecurity, not being accepted, not feeling like I really fit into anything, my failed relationships, losing money...loss of interest of life. Things that really held no merit. It could be worse, you know? I think all of those things are the things that make me different and being able to connect with people on a real level. So [I’m] realizing that now. It's a daily struggle. We all grapple with stuff, but some people are extreme like me and we take everything to the face.
Queer Kid of Color: You mentioned reoccurring issues. And apart of mentioning that you said "losing money," how much exactly and on what?
Trent Jackson : I lost about 80,000 in a matter of a month just because I thought that I was making the right decisions. I broke open a CD account, which cost me a penalty, then my house fell out of Escrow, and business deals that are still sitting.
I am getting some money back though, so it's a learning experience. Being able to look at the money knowing it's there and still going to work everyday and one false move and it's like damn, what was I thinking.
On His Ex
Queer Kid of Color: Ok lets talk about the ex boyfriend no one likes.
Trent Jackson : [laughs]
Queer Kid of Color: Why have you given him so many chances?
Trent Jackson : Because people have given me chances. Who am I to turn my back on someone who is trying, yet still figuring themselves out, who comes from nothing and no one really showed him how to do anything but just be caught up in an ugly cycle. But I've learned that everyone doesn't want to be helped. It's like you're looking across the street at the big house you want to live there, but you don't know how to get there, then someone takes you there you fuck it up cause you don't know how to act.
Queer Kid of Color: He's dating another guy right?
Trent Jackson : In his mind he is
Queer Kid of Color: So, who's Ricky?
Trent Jackson: Ricky is this man, who uses him for sex only. The same person who introduced him to the whorish lifestyle that he lived. The person who says I love you only during sex. [He introduced him to] sex parties the whole nine, Trent was in love with a hoe. But you look past stuff and look at the persons heart, he has a great heart.
Queer Kid of Color: Has he ever cheated on you?
Trent Jackson: Yes, with Ricky. October 6th.
Queer Kid of Color: And you were was willing to forgive him?
Trent Jackson: Yes. I was concerned about my friendship I can honestly say that when it was just us, it was beautiful, I felt comfortable. I could be myself but it was only when other people were present or in the way which made matters complicated which made me question the whole picture. It's layered and complex.
It was never about the sex, because I am not one to engage in loose sex like that. Not to say that it hasn't happened and I was no angel. But I am more of a relationship oriented person and I want my sex with my man to be explosive, something that anyone can get from me…Excuse me...
Queer Kid of Color: What?
Trent Jackson :Something not anyone can get from me.
Queer Kid of Color: How did you know your ex was cheating on you?
Trent Jackson: Lets call him a figment of my imagination, not an ex nor a boyfriend. You can tell when someone is acting different, withdrawing...doing things different. It's the gay boy intuition in me.
Queer Kid of Color: How did you know it was on October 6?
Trent Jackson : Because first he said "I'm home alone and I don't want to be home alone." Then I said do you want me to come over? He said no, you're hurt don't move. It was also the night that I was planning a romantic weekend for us then later I found out who he was with and I woke up out of my sleep the exact moment they had sex. I felt it in my body.
Queer Kid of Color: Trent, how many chances will you give him until its enough?
Trent Jackson : Oh it's done. It's over Because I need to focus on my career and my work. I owe 12,000 people a book that was supposed to be done months ago. And as of late he has been at the root of most if not all of my stress
Queer Kid of Color: Is he trying to get back with you
Trent Jackson : No. We haven't talked in a few days. It's cool. He will call soon and try to talk. He knows the truth and that is hard to handle coming from me
,but he isn't man enough to admit his mistakes. He'll wait until I'm happy with someone else before he decides what a fucking idiot he is.
On Drugs:
Queer Kid of Color: Now lets get into a more touchy subject; drugs.
Your first drug; where was it? How were you tempted and what was it?
Trent Jackson : The first time I ever got high was about two weeks ago. Both of my parents were and are addicts so I never had a desire to do drugs. But my friends always get me to smoke weed and I am like please! But one day, I was like let me hit that. And I went home and wrote 75 pages in Full Circle and I was like is this what happens when you're high? I did it again and the second time I just went to sleep became a little more vocal than I usually am...
Queer Kid of Color: Was it just weed?
Trent Jackson : It wasn't last week
Queer Kid of Color: What was it last week?
Trent Jackson : Oh, coke
chathouse100: Was that your first and only time?
Trent Jackson : The first time I've ever done coke yes...
chathouse100: Would it be the last time?
Trent Jackson : I did like three days. It will definitely be my last time. I've always wanted to try it, I just picked a not so right time to try it emotionally.
Queer Kid of Color: you did coke three days straight?
Trent Jackson: Yeah. Friday, Sunday and Monday
Queer Kid of Color: Why coke?
Trent Jackson : Why not? [laughs] [I’m] not endorsing drugs by any means, but people definitely choose what they do. I don’t see myself shooting up or anything like that...so coke. I did a couple of primos. I didn't enjoy snorting too much, not a fun thing. I'll stick to Margaritas.
Queer Kid of Color: You did drugs three days in a row, and you're now saying it'll be your last time?
Trent Jackson : Yeah. I have power to stop whatever I want to. I chose to do it and I chose to stop. Just like I chose to end my relationship and really start to make some changes in my life before they really get out of hand. I look at all this as preparation on what is to come. I'll know what to do the next time the issue happens again. Nothing is different, they just come in different wrapping.
Queer Kid of Color: Ok that's fair.
Trent Jackson : Fair?
Queer Kid of Color: I’m saying you have a point. You chose to stop.
Trent Jackson : I mean are you think I will start using...
Queer Kid of Color: I’m the interviewer my opinion doesn’t matter!
Trent Jackson : When you are tired, you are tired and you know when you're at that limit. You're right it doesn't matter, because people are going to do what they want. But it doesn't mean we wont think about what someone says. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to stop and make you think.
Queer Kid of Color: I want to go back to the suicide attempt.
Trent Jackson : Okay
Queer Kid of Color: I can’t grasp the fact that you were contemplating putting yourself in front of an 18 wheeler.
Queer Kid of Color: Was this your first attempt?
Trent Jackson : No. The second. You know I sound really unstable right now.
[Pause]
Queer Kid of Color: It’s ok. What were the other attempts? Is it something you’re not comfortable sharing?
Trent Jackson : 2 years ago. I had just gotten some surgery and I had some pain killers. Another point where I was at my wits end, and I was dating that boy then and he actually called the police and all of them, so if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. I should have known then that I had a purpose, because the next day when I woke up, the UPS man was at my door with a proof of At This Moment for me to sign off on.
On His Mother
Queer Kid of Color: I want to go to this. Now, Trent, no one that I've seen has been more vocal about his relationship with his mother then you have. What's going on with the relationship between you two?
Trent Jackson : UH.I have a black mother, who raised a gay son.
Queer Kid of Color: That doesn’t explain it.
Trent Jackson: I'm not done. But that’s a lot to marinate on. Systematically that’s a lot, for a single woman, who took care of her older brothers and sisters and her mother, plus a child. So she has issues that she hasn't dealt with in her own family. So I'm kind of brought into a mix of dysfunction and she takes things out on me out of anger. Most of it emotional abuse from when I was younger. It made me resent her. That’s stuff that I just don't get and will never get. I understand why she has problems, but I feel that no child should be treated the way I was. Then for her not to take responsibility or not fully admit her mistakes is really stupid.
Queer Kid of Color: Can you describe some of the emotional abuse?
Tomorrow on part 2 of our interview Trent will reveal the emotional abuse he endure as a child, his battle with his weight, and what’s in store for the future.
****Also please remember this interview was published on www.queerkidofcolor.com a few weeks ago and is being republished now.
http://www.justasktrent.blogspot.com
On Suicide
Queer Kid of Color : Were you contemplating on killing yourself on the freeway?
Trent Jackson : Yes. It's not funny. It's tragic that I was that low (again) I was going to wait on an 18 wheeler and jump out.
Queer Kid of Color : What drove you to even consider that?
Trent Jackson : My reoccurring issues with insecurity, not being accepted, not feeling like I really fit into anything, my failed relationships, losing money...loss of interest of life. Things that really held no merit. It could be worse, you know? I think all of those things are the things that make me different and being able to connect with people on a real level. So [I’m] realizing that now. It's a daily struggle. We all grapple with stuff, but some people are extreme like me and we take everything to the face.
Queer Kid of Color: You mentioned reoccurring issues. And apart of mentioning that you said "losing money," how much exactly and on what?
Trent Jackson : I lost about 80,000 in a matter of a month just because I thought that I was making the right decisions. I broke open a CD account, which cost me a penalty, then my house fell out of Escrow, and business deals that are still sitting.
I am getting some money back though, so it's a learning experience. Being able to look at the money knowing it's there and still going to work everyday and one false move and it's like damn, what was I thinking.
On His Ex
Queer Kid of Color: Ok lets talk about the ex boyfriend no one likes.
Trent Jackson : [laughs]
Queer Kid of Color: Why have you given him so many chances?
Trent Jackson : Because people have given me chances. Who am I to turn my back on someone who is trying, yet still figuring themselves out, who comes from nothing and no one really showed him how to do anything but just be caught up in an ugly cycle. But I've learned that everyone doesn't want to be helped. It's like you're looking across the street at the big house you want to live there, but you don't know how to get there, then someone takes you there you fuck it up cause you don't know how to act.
Queer Kid of Color: He's dating another guy right?
Trent Jackson : In his mind he is
Queer Kid of Color: So, who's Ricky?
Trent Jackson: Ricky is this man, who uses him for sex only. The same person who introduced him to the whorish lifestyle that he lived. The person who says I love you only during sex. [He introduced him to] sex parties the whole nine, Trent was in love with a hoe. But you look past stuff and look at the persons heart, he has a great heart.
Queer Kid of Color: Has he ever cheated on you?
Trent Jackson: Yes, with Ricky. October 6th.
Queer Kid of Color: And you were was willing to forgive him?
Trent Jackson: Yes. I was concerned about my friendship I can honestly say that when it was just us, it was beautiful, I felt comfortable. I could be myself but it was only when other people were present or in the way which made matters complicated which made me question the whole picture. It's layered and complex.
It was never about the sex, because I am not one to engage in loose sex like that. Not to say that it hasn't happened and I was no angel. But I am more of a relationship oriented person and I want my sex with my man to be explosive, something that anyone can get from me…Excuse me...
Queer Kid of Color: What?
Trent Jackson :Something not anyone can get from me.
Queer Kid of Color: How did you know your ex was cheating on you?
Trent Jackson: Lets call him a figment of my imagination, not an ex nor a boyfriend. You can tell when someone is acting different, withdrawing...doing things different. It's the gay boy intuition in me.
Queer Kid of Color: How did you know it was on October 6?
Trent Jackson : Because first he said "I'm home alone and I don't want to be home alone." Then I said do you want me to come over? He said no, you're hurt don't move. It was also the night that I was planning a romantic weekend for us then later I found out who he was with and I woke up out of my sleep the exact moment they had sex. I felt it in my body.
Queer Kid of Color: Trent, how many chances will you give him until its enough?
Trent Jackson : Oh it's done. It's over Because I need to focus on my career and my work. I owe 12,000 people a book that was supposed to be done months ago. And as of late he has been at the root of most if not all of my stress
Queer Kid of Color: Is he trying to get back with you
Trent Jackson : No. We haven't talked in a few days. It's cool. He will call soon and try to talk. He knows the truth and that is hard to handle coming from me
,but he isn't man enough to admit his mistakes. He'll wait until I'm happy with someone else before he decides what a fucking idiot he is.
On Drugs:
Queer Kid of Color: Now lets get into a more touchy subject; drugs.
Your first drug; where was it? How were you tempted and what was it?
Trent Jackson : The first time I ever got high was about two weeks ago. Both of my parents were and are addicts so I never had a desire to do drugs. But my friends always get me to smoke weed and I am like please! But one day, I was like let me hit that. And I went home and wrote 75 pages in Full Circle and I was like is this what happens when you're high? I did it again and the second time I just went to sleep became a little more vocal than I usually am...
Queer Kid of Color: Was it just weed?
Trent Jackson : It wasn't last week
Queer Kid of Color: What was it last week?
Trent Jackson : Oh, coke
chathouse100: Was that your first and only time?
Trent Jackson : The first time I've ever done coke yes...
chathouse100: Would it be the last time?
Trent Jackson : I did like three days. It will definitely be my last time. I've always wanted to try it, I just picked a not so right time to try it emotionally.
Queer Kid of Color: you did coke three days straight?
Trent Jackson: Yeah. Friday, Sunday and Monday
Queer Kid of Color: Why coke?
Trent Jackson : Why not? [laughs] [I’m] not endorsing drugs by any means, but people definitely choose what they do. I don’t see myself shooting up or anything like that...so coke. I did a couple of primos. I didn't enjoy snorting too much, not a fun thing. I'll stick to Margaritas.
Queer Kid of Color: You did drugs three days in a row, and you're now saying it'll be your last time?
Trent Jackson : Yeah. I have power to stop whatever I want to. I chose to do it and I chose to stop. Just like I chose to end my relationship and really start to make some changes in my life before they really get out of hand. I look at all this as preparation on what is to come. I'll know what to do the next time the issue happens again. Nothing is different, they just come in different wrapping.
Queer Kid of Color: Ok that's fair.
Trent Jackson : Fair?
Queer Kid of Color: I’m saying you have a point. You chose to stop.
Trent Jackson : I mean are you think I will start using...
Queer Kid of Color: I’m the interviewer my opinion doesn’t matter!
Trent Jackson : When you are tired, you are tired and you know when you're at that limit. You're right it doesn't matter, because people are going to do what they want. But it doesn't mean we wont think about what someone says. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to stop and make you think.
Queer Kid of Color: I want to go back to the suicide attempt.
Trent Jackson : Okay
Queer Kid of Color: I can’t grasp the fact that you were contemplating putting yourself in front of an 18 wheeler.
Queer Kid of Color: Was this your first attempt?
Trent Jackson : No. The second. You know I sound really unstable right now.
[Pause]
Queer Kid of Color: It’s ok. What were the other attempts? Is it something you’re not comfortable sharing?
Trent Jackson : 2 years ago. I had just gotten some surgery and I had some pain killers. Another point where I was at my wits end, and I was dating that boy then and he actually called the police and all of them, so if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. I should have known then that I had a purpose, because the next day when I woke up, the UPS man was at my door with a proof of At This Moment for me to sign off on.
On His Mother
Queer Kid of Color: I want to go to this. Now, Trent, no one that I've seen has been more vocal about his relationship with his mother then you have. What's going on with the relationship between you two?
Trent Jackson : UH.I have a black mother, who raised a gay son.
Queer Kid of Color: That doesn’t explain it.
Trent Jackson: I'm not done. But that’s a lot to marinate on. Systematically that’s a lot, for a single woman, who took care of her older brothers and sisters and her mother, plus a child. So she has issues that she hasn't dealt with in her own family. So I'm kind of brought into a mix of dysfunction and she takes things out on me out of anger. Most of it emotional abuse from when I was younger. It made me resent her. That’s stuff that I just don't get and will never get. I understand why she has problems, but I feel that no child should be treated the way I was. Then for her not to take responsibility or not fully admit her mistakes is really stupid.
Queer Kid of Color: Can you describe some of the emotional abuse?
Tomorrow on part 2 of our interview Trent will reveal the emotional abuse he endure as a child, his battle with his weight, and what’s in store for the future.
****Also please remember this interview was published on www.queerkidofcolor.com a few weeks ago and is being republished now.
The Rebellious Charles X part 2
The Charles X finale...enjoy...
Queer Kid of Color: : Charles you know, I like you. You're very intelligent. I just don’t agree with your philosophies.
Charles X: I have disagreed with things I've read on your blog as well, but I still appreciate your intentions. I think we could reach a middle road on some things.
Queer Kid of Color: Well, I could address some things now. What things have you disagreed with?
Charles X: Your allegations about liberals messing up politics. I think that's what it was. And just things promoting conservatism. I've read comments you've made where you were discouraging the open discussion of sex and suggesting a more conservative approach of posting. I think that can lead to problems.
Queer Kid of Color: That’s the benefits of having a blog. It belongs to that person. I don’t promote conservatism, buut in terms of liberals messing up politics I do think that's true.
I think liberals have hijacked democracy. I'm a Democrat nonetheless.
Charles X: Both sides have made their messes and I don't think one side is more messy than the other. It's just that conservatives have all the money!
Queer Kid of Color: Do you know what conservatism is? LOL. It's not about money. I'm broke!
Charles X: I know precisely what it is. People do tend to use the words conservative and liberal in different contexts, so we might be having an argument about context.
Queer Kid of Color: Charles if you look at the most recent campaigns abortions and Civil Rights for Homosexuals have been the central arc in every Liberals campaign. First of all, abortions only affect women. Civil Rights for Homosexuals affect the gays. Where as not focusing on things on Social Security, Health Care and etc., which is a broader scope creates a problem. Me being conservative is me also appealing to mainstream values.
Charles X: Abortions only affect women? I think all the fathers and aborted male fetuses would disagree. I think what you're talking about is scapegoat topics that Republicans use to distract from greater issues. The Bush administration used the gay issue to get conservatives to vote in the south. I think liberals are falling for their baiting tactics, yes.
Queer Kid of Color: When I said abortions only affecting women, I meant that abortion is a choice that women can make on their own. They don’t need permission from the baby's father or the embryo to abort. Secondly, I think you're looking at every Conservative as a Republican. Which is not true. Bush used the gay issue to get Republicans to vote for him in the south. You can be a Conservative Democrat and still would want to put Civil Unions for Homosexuals into our ballots to legalize it. But again this is something we can go on forever!
Charles X: There goes the CU word! Haha, I totally get what you're saying, I know a lot of people have pet peeves about the correct usage of political terms and I understand why. But you're right, next!
Queer Kid of Color: Okay. Also I don’t understand how gay liberals still classified themselves as second class citizens. First of all what the hell is a gay right? Don’t answer that please. I don’t want to get into any more discussions around politics, perhaps another interview. Lets talk about another posting. "God Hates Fags" Okay, you said that Church is filled with hypocrisy and underlying hatred. Could you elloborate?
Charles X: Yes, I could. I have spent much time sitting in church analyzing and toiling over every single word of every sermon. Processing each verse of love spoken from the microphone, only to hear him spew hatred with the same breath. Churches preach about loving each other unconditionally and not judging. Black churches preach about coming together as a black community. Then immediately after they tell you that gay people are not welcome in the vicinity of the sanctuary. Church is a place where people can assuage their guilty consciences. They can point the finger at the non-Christian of the world and make themselves feel as if they are above the "worldly sinners". This is not indicative of every single Christian or churchgoer but I have seen it in so many churches and in so many lives. Black people have been the scapegoat for so long. Now they get their chance to do the same and many take the opportunity with the same welcome arms that Master did in the 1800s.
Queer Kid of Color: Do you think the scriptures in the Bible stating that homosexuality is a sin, is true?
Charles X: That was another post of yours that I disagreed with. You stated that we shouldn't debate the contexts and truths about what the Bible says about homosexuality. I think in those times, being gay was banned because of a low population and the need to procreate. That's it.
Queer Kid of Color: Okay. Well, you know my former boss Keith Boykin emailed me and he was disappointed in me writing that posting. He said I was wrong in what I was saying.
Charles X: I really look up to Keith Boykin.
Queer Kid of Color: The reason I wrote that is that we don’t understand that no one cares about the interpretations about what the Bible meant 4,000 years ago. No one has an hour of their time to give in understanding what homosexuality meant.
Charles X: That's amazing. On topic, I think the statement that no one cares about what the Bible says about homosexuality is completely off base. Many have dedicated websites about this topic. Campaigns. Letters. Research. Lots of people care and the topic should remain open for debate, because the fact that the Bible is so heavily cited in our culture.
Queer Kid of Color: Let me rephrase it.
Queer Kid of Color: No homophobic person cares about what Homosexuality meant 4,000 years ago. If anyone cared, we would have settled the dispute about homosexuality a long time ago.
Charles X: No ignorant person cares. If you made that statement, I would agree. But plenty of anti-gay people try to reason what the Bible meant 4000 years ago to counter what pro-gay historians try to prove.
Queer Kid of Color: The bible is 1,000's of years old. The news gets misinterpreted everyday. I know being homosexual is not a sin.
Charles X: I'm glad you know that! Every time someone like The Captain opens his mouth, an angel loses its wings.
Queer Kid of Color: I did an interview with him also.
Charles X: I saw that. He makes me laugh and cry simultaneously. I'm sure you read my public debate with him that I had earlier this year. I had to read him like a bedtime story about some of his views.
Queer Kid of Color: I can understand why he's like this. So, who are some of your favorite bloggers?
Charles X: I like that you try to come from a place of understanding. I do too. My favorite bloggers are Clay Cane, Trent Jackson, Marz, and Larry D. Lyons. My number one is Marz, though.
Queer Kid of Color: I like Marz too. He's great. We have awkward conversations though.
Charles X: That's my twin! Really?
Queer Kid of Color: Trent is nice. We spoke earlier. He's one of NYANSAPO magazine's future leaders of tomorrow. I'm writing a brief story on him. And Clay and I are good friends. He's so cool. Larry I have on AIM but we never talk.
Charles X: I used to have an out and out e-crush on Clay!
Queer Kid of Color: Oh no bitch! I'll cut you. That's my man.Eww I just had a Liberal experience.
Charles X: I will let that one go!
Queer Kid of Color: Ok are those it? My favs are Trent, Shawn, Fuzzy, Marz.
Charles X: The people I talk to most out of blogworld are Trent, Marz, Bobby Brown Jr. and Rodney. I talk to Omar sometimes too. I just started reading Fuzzy's blog the other day.
Queer Kid of Color: I met Omar, Fuzzy, and Shawn yesterday and a few other Black gay
bloggers. They invited me to their party. We wont get into that.
Charles X: I can't wait to meet all of these people. Being in Texas keeps me isolated from my people! Maybe over spring break I'll come rough y'all up in NYC.
Queer Kid of Color: Anything else you would like to share?
Charles X: I would like to say that I am so proud of what I've been seeing in the black gay world lately. With Clay Cane's journalistic and artistic success, with Larry D. Lyon's academic and philanthropic prowess, with Trent entertaining the masses, with Marz crafting the word so meticulously to depict the journey of a young black gay man in a hostile world, to Keith Boykin's visible status, with real love shown through Shawn/Fuzzy and Bobby/Rodney, through the issues that need to be brought up by people like you. I am proud to be a part of this and I know it will only continue to grow and get better for us.
Queer Kid of Color: : Charles you know, I like you. You're very intelligent. I just don’t agree with your philosophies.
Charles X: I have disagreed with things I've read on your blog as well, but I still appreciate your intentions. I think we could reach a middle road on some things.
Queer Kid of Color: Well, I could address some things now. What things have you disagreed with?
Charles X: Your allegations about liberals messing up politics. I think that's what it was. And just things promoting conservatism. I've read comments you've made where you were discouraging the open discussion of sex and suggesting a more conservative approach of posting. I think that can lead to problems.
Queer Kid of Color: That’s the benefits of having a blog. It belongs to that person. I don’t promote conservatism, buut in terms of liberals messing up politics I do think that's true.
I think liberals have hijacked democracy. I'm a Democrat nonetheless.
Charles X: Both sides have made their messes and I don't think one side is more messy than the other. It's just that conservatives have all the money!
Queer Kid of Color: Do you know what conservatism is? LOL. It's not about money. I'm broke!
Charles X: I know precisely what it is. People do tend to use the words conservative and liberal in different contexts, so we might be having an argument about context.
Queer Kid of Color: Charles if you look at the most recent campaigns abortions and Civil Rights for Homosexuals have been the central arc in every Liberals campaign. First of all, abortions only affect women. Civil Rights for Homosexuals affect the gays. Where as not focusing on things on Social Security, Health Care and etc., which is a broader scope creates a problem. Me being conservative is me also appealing to mainstream values.
Charles X: Abortions only affect women? I think all the fathers and aborted male fetuses would disagree. I think what you're talking about is scapegoat topics that Republicans use to distract from greater issues. The Bush administration used the gay issue to get conservatives to vote in the south. I think liberals are falling for their baiting tactics, yes.
Queer Kid of Color: When I said abortions only affecting women, I meant that abortion is a choice that women can make on their own. They don’t need permission from the baby's father or the embryo to abort. Secondly, I think you're looking at every Conservative as a Republican. Which is not true. Bush used the gay issue to get Republicans to vote for him in the south. You can be a Conservative Democrat and still would want to put Civil Unions for Homosexuals into our ballots to legalize it. But again this is something we can go on forever!
Charles X: There goes the CU word! Haha, I totally get what you're saying, I know a lot of people have pet peeves about the correct usage of political terms and I understand why. But you're right, next!
Queer Kid of Color: Okay. Also I don’t understand how gay liberals still classified themselves as second class citizens. First of all what the hell is a gay right? Don’t answer that please. I don’t want to get into any more discussions around politics, perhaps another interview. Lets talk about another posting. "God Hates Fags" Okay, you said that Church is filled with hypocrisy and underlying hatred. Could you elloborate?
Charles X: Yes, I could. I have spent much time sitting in church analyzing and toiling over every single word of every sermon. Processing each verse of love spoken from the microphone, only to hear him spew hatred with the same breath. Churches preach about loving each other unconditionally and not judging. Black churches preach about coming together as a black community. Then immediately after they tell you that gay people are not welcome in the vicinity of the sanctuary. Church is a place where people can assuage their guilty consciences. They can point the finger at the non-Christian of the world and make themselves feel as if they are above the "worldly sinners". This is not indicative of every single Christian or churchgoer but I have seen it in so many churches and in so many lives. Black people have been the scapegoat for so long. Now they get their chance to do the same and many take the opportunity with the same welcome arms that Master did in the 1800s.
Queer Kid of Color: Do you think the scriptures in the Bible stating that homosexuality is a sin, is true?
Charles X: That was another post of yours that I disagreed with. You stated that we shouldn't debate the contexts and truths about what the Bible says about homosexuality. I think in those times, being gay was banned because of a low population and the need to procreate. That's it.
Queer Kid of Color: Okay. Well, you know my former boss Keith Boykin emailed me and he was disappointed in me writing that posting. He said I was wrong in what I was saying.
Charles X: I really look up to Keith Boykin.
Queer Kid of Color: The reason I wrote that is that we don’t understand that no one cares about the interpretations about what the Bible meant 4,000 years ago. No one has an hour of their time to give in understanding what homosexuality meant.
Charles X: That's amazing. On topic, I think the statement that no one cares about what the Bible says about homosexuality is completely off base. Many have dedicated websites about this topic. Campaigns. Letters. Research. Lots of people care and the topic should remain open for debate, because the fact that the Bible is so heavily cited in our culture.
Queer Kid of Color: Let me rephrase it.
Queer Kid of Color: No homophobic person cares about what Homosexuality meant 4,000 years ago. If anyone cared, we would have settled the dispute about homosexuality a long time ago.
Charles X: No ignorant person cares. If you made that statement, I would agree. But plenty of anti-gay people try to reason what the Bible meant 4000 years ago to counter what pro-gay historians try to prove.
Queer Kid of Color: The bible is 1,000's of years old. The news gets misinterpreted everyday. I know being homosexual is not a sin.
Charles X: I'm glad you know that! Every time someone like The Captain opens his mouth, an angel loses its wings.
Queer Kid of Color: I did an interview with him also.
Charles X: I saw that. He makes me laugh and cry simultaneously. I'm sure you read my public debate with him that I had earlier this year. I had to read him like a bedtime story about some of his views.
Queer Kid of Color: I can understand why he's like this. So, who are some of your favorite bloggers?
Charles X: I like that you try to come from a place of understanding. I do too. My favorite bloggers are Clay Cane, Trent Jackson, Marz, and Larry D. Lyons. My number one is Marz, though.
Queer Kid of Color: I like Marz too. He's great. We have awkward conversations though.
Charles X: That's my twin! Really?
Queer Kid of Color: Trent is nice. We spoke earlier. He's one of NYANSAPO magazine's future leaders of tomorrow. I'm writing a brief story on him. And Clay and I are good friends. He's so cool. Larry I have on AIM but we never talk.
Charles X: I used to have an out and out e-crush on Clay!
Queer Kid of Color: Oh no bitch! I'll cut you. That's my man.Eww I just had a Liberal experience.
Charles X: I will let that one go!
Queer Kid of Color: Ok are those it? My favs are Trent, Shawn, Fuzzy, Marz.
Charles X: The people I talk to most out of blogworld are Trent, Marz, Bobby Brown Jr. and Rodney. I talk to Omar sometimes too. I just started reading Fuzzy's blog the other day.
Queer Kid of Color: I met Omar, Fuzzy, and Shawn yesterday and a few other Black gay
bloggers. They invited me to their party. We wont get into that.
Charles X: I can't wait to meet all of these people. Being in Texas keeps me isolated from my people! Maybe over spring break I'll come rough y'all up in NYC.
Queer Kid of Color: Anything else you would like to share?
Charles X: I would like to say that I am so proud of what I've been seeing in the black gay world lately. With Clay Cane's journalistic and artistic success, with Larry D. Lyon's academic and philanthropic prowess, with Trent entertaining the masses, with Marz crafting the word so meticulously to depict the journey of a young black gay man in a hostile world, to Keith Boykin's visible status, with real love shown through Shawn/Fuzzy and Bobby/Rodney, through the issues that need to be brought up by people like you. I am proud to be a part of this and I know it will only continue to grow and get better for us.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Ballroom Rockstar honors 27
I recieved an email today saying that BallRoom Rockstar would like to include me on their 27 emerging artists! How cool?
I'm also comprising a list of rising artist for NYANSAPO's magazine of 10 Young Adults and organizations who are paving the way with their artistry. I will announce the people after my 6 day blogger event. Which comes to its conclusion in two days!
Much love.
I'm also comprising a list of rising artist for NYANSAPO's magazine of 10 Young Adults and organizations who are paving the way with their artistry. I will announce the people after my 6 day blogger event. Which comes to its conclusion in two days!
Much love.
Monday, December 18, 2006
The Rebellious Charles X Part 1
Charles X is a rare breed of bloggers. He 's serious but in ways that are comical. I say this to many people, but I can say it to Charles, he's a breath of fresh air. The boy I thought was vulgar and sometimes critical, turned out to be intelligent and refreshing. This is Charles X...like you've never seen before.
Queer Kid of Color: Who is Charles X?
Charles X: Charles X is that one wild young blogger from Texas who never posts.
Queer Kid of Color: What makes you wild?
Charles X: I don't really consider myself wild, but my comment section has always said otherwise! I think what people consider "wild" about me is that sometimes the decisions I've made that I've posted about have been spontaneous. Most people can't relate to that, because while they'd like to be more free spirited, they aren't for whatever reason. So some of the things I say or do is "wild" to them.
Queer Kid of Color: Lets talk about that for a moment. You've used the word nigger, called God a fag. What makes you come out with these things?
Charles X: I have used the word nigger, but I don't recall referring to God as a fag. One of the names of my posts is "God Hates Fags"
Queer Kid of Color: Oh that’s right! Sorry -reading between the lines.
Charles X: Haha it's OK. My use of the word nigger has been controversial and I've always been open to both sides of the argument. I think context is the key in terms of that word and the way in which I use it is not offensive to me or the ones closest to me. In reference to my statement that "God Hates Fags", that was making a statement about how the church interprets God's words and feelings about gay people.
Queer Kid of Color: Charles with so many blogs out there, what distinguishes yours from the rest?
Charles X: Many blogs concentrate on a central theme or issue such as pop culture, gay culture, black culture, their own personal lives, or one thing that interests them. I think my blog is a healthy mixture of things. Lately, I've been talking about personal matters but I'm about to break out of that mold. Also, I am not afraid to call people out on my blog!
Queer Kid of Color: I want to go back to this "nigger" word. I personally don’t care who uses it. I'm offended either way. But what do you think gives black people-like yourself-the authority to use it?
Charles X: I don't think authority is the issue when it comes to saying a word. I don't think I'm special or above anything or anyone for using the word. Words have the power that you give to them. I refuse to let any one word stigmatize me or victimize me in any way, be it nigger or faggot. I've been called both and I probably will be again. I could cry about it and be the victimized minority or I can take emotional control of the situation. I chose to do the latter.
Queer Kid of Color: Very well said. I take it personal when someone uses the word. But since you cleared that up-lets talk about some of your blog postings. Starting with "You're Queer! This minute, this year!" It was the first post I read on your blog.
Queer Kid of Color: It's over a year old. I came across it a month ago. I read the first part after the second part. But what was the means for you to do these postings? Were you trying to bash people whom you think were gay but didn't want to dispel or were you just being comical?
Charles X: Some people were being bashed, but not because they were in the closet. For example, I think I made fun of 50 Cent. I just think he's a terrible rapper who contributes nothing to art or society. Most of it was just for the purpose of being comical, but the point was that it's funny when gay celebrities are obviously gay and try vehemently to keep it a secret anyway.
Queer Kid of Color: How is that funny? What's difficult about understanding that the society we live in doesn’t allow people to be walk comfortably on their own shoes?
Charles X: It's not difficult to understand at all, I've been there and I think about it everyday. It's not hard for me to understand the situation society places gay people in. It's like Little Richard or Richard Simmons coming out in a interview and saying they love women. The whole elephant in the room fiasco.
Queer Kid of Color: I would have to disagree with you.
Charles X: Let me rephrase that last part
Queer Kid of Color: You're basing your answers simply on stereotypes. Little Richard and Richard Simmons are both effeminate. Had they not been I don’t think you would have said that.
Charles X: They are both effeminate in mannerisms, yes, but they also have plenty about them that lead other gay people to know about them. I believe in gaydar. I believe a lot of gay people have an intuition about people similar to them in this way. So when one of "our own" denies their true selves, it's actually sad. But any serious topic can be alluded to and expressed comedically through satire.
Queer Kid of Color: But didn’t Little Richard confirm he was bisexual?
Charles X: I'm not saying he isn't. For all I know, he could be, but he's definitely not heterosexual as was once purported.
Queer Kid of Color: Okay. Next posting. "responsibility as a blogging community:"
Charles X: That was a big one.
Queer Kid of Color: You said that Jamal K. Franklin should reveal the anonymity of the person who said he intentionally infects people. My questions is, why should he reveal the person?
Charles X: Because that person is killing others. He is infecting them knowingly with a fatal disease. If someone was going around stabbing people, I would expect that someone would reveal who that person is. That is one of the most vile actions I've ever heard of.
Queer Kid of Color: But Charles, it is the responsibility of any person to keep themselves safe. Not the responsibility of the next partner. Sex is a natural thing. I'm a virgin, but I know for sure that people want to feel the natural feeling of a penis. So I could understand why people don’t use condoms. But what I don’t understand is why when someone gets infected they blame the person who infected them.
Charles X: I agree that it is everyone's responsibility to keep themselves safe. It absolutely is. However, almost everything we do is a risk. Sex even with a condom is still a risk. But if someone has information that could save lives and lessen that risk considerably, I don't see why you wouldn't reveal it unless for selfish self preserving reasons. If a cousin brought a poisoned pie to Thanksgiving, I would tell Bigmama and Sharackashay! Yes, they'd have been risking food poisoning anyway, but I would warn them.
Queer Kid of Color: Why do you think 46 percent of black SGL men are infected?
Charles X: This has been said many times before, but because of the stigma attached to being both black and gay.
Queer Kid of Color: What stigma? What's so difficult in understanding how to take responsibility for your own actions?
Charles X: Like I said before, I agree everyone is responsible for their own actions, but that doesn't mean that we should leave each other out in the cold. We need to look out for each other and help one another. We don't need to let each other be infected and killed, because everyone should be responsible. The truth is not everyone is responsible. We need to do all we can to stop the spread of HIV and if that means calling someone who is knowingly spreading the disease around, then so be it. The stigma is that black men are supposed to be these paradigms of raw masculinity and aggression. When something like homosexuality, which is seen as weak and disgusting in the black community, is seen in black men then people have a huge problem with it. When you have the church, the school, the mother, the television telling you that you're nothing but a nigger and a faggot then people start to believe it. And why even protect yourself when you are some vile thing that everyone hates? That is why infections are so high.
Queer Kid of Color: Intelligently put. But I still disagree.
Charles X: I'll have to interview you next!
Queer Kid of Color: This is something we can discuss forever. But we need to move on.
Charles X: Yeah.
The Chronicles of Marz Final part
We all love Marz. He's the youngest of all the bloggers and he got the LGBT community a win as Best Teen Blog.
What are some of your hobbies?
Um, writing. I love clothes shopping, and that's why I'm always low on funds. I like partaking in cultural things, like museum exhibits and jazz concerts. But, I haven't been doing much of that lately. Right now my main hobby is writing. I walk around Philadelphia with this composition book and I'll just think of a cool line or something and have to jot it down, so I don't forget it. Or I'll just think of a poem, or a paragraph it will just flow out. I have to stop shopping momentarily, because I have a slew of birthdays and the holidays coming up, but I'm trying to change up my style, because I feel I'm boxing myself in fashionably.
What are some of the blogs you read?
You're trying to get me cursed out if I don't mention someone. Everyday, I look at In the Mix with Trent and Keith Boykin. About three times a week I see if Clay Cane has written anything new. Although you gotta stay up on clay because he writes some hot stuff and then it's missing when you go back. Those are the mainstays, it seems that a lot of the other black gay bloggers are posting infrequently right now. It's sort of what happens, I've noticed that the seasons change and everyone changes with how much they post. but once the winter hits there will be tons of posts, and new bloggers to meet. I enjoy meeting the new bloggers, and seeing who will stay and who won't. But besides that Omar, Charles X , D-Place, Bobby Brown Jr. Rodney, Ms. Pam, Afrodyke, Ladynay, Motivated Ho, LJ, I can’t name everyone. I hope no one gets mad. But my favorite blog I would have to say is Smiling on the DL, which transitioned to the unconquerable Soul. His blog always makes me smile and there is just so much growth that he expresses.
What do you want to study in college?
Right now, I want to study a myriad of things. But basically about sex and sexuality. I don't have everything coordinated right now, and it's driving my mother and father insane. But I want to be a sexpert or sex therapist or something in that field.
What about a career in writing?
I'm currently working on a novel. It's still in the outlining period because I had to rework some things out. It's in the very early phases. I'm still on the first chapter. Before you ask, so far, it's about gay teens of color in Philadelphia. I want to portray real gay teens and not what's in media, or what's in other gay teen fiction. I have read a lot of gay teen fiction and I've only come across one character in Jess Mowry's book Babylon Boyz that I think is a real example of a gay teen in the inner city. Although the book wasn't solely about him, because he was a supporting character. Most books with gay teens has the boys sad and grappling with who they are, and although that is a reality that a lot of gay people face. I want to show different facets then the one sided, boy-who-is-afraid-to-go-to-the-GSA-meeting-finally-goes-and realizes-that-the-football-team-leader-is-there, type book.
When is your date with queer kid of color?
How unprofessional? Marz and the Queer Kid of color will go on a date sometime next year. I have a busy schedule and I'm trying to get all my applications, scholarships, grades, and everything else together. It will probably be sometime next year in the spring, late spring. Because hopefully I'll get into NYU, and I'll be in NEW YORK more frequently.
What are some of your hobbies?
Um, writing. I love clothes shopping, and that's why I'm always low on funds. I like partaking in cultural things, like museum exhibits and jazz concerts. But, I haven't been doing much of that lately. Right now my main hobby is writing. I walk around Philadelphia with this composition book and I'll just think of a cool line or something and have to jot it down, so I don't forget it. Or I'll just think of a poem, or a paragraph it will just flow out. I have to stop shopping momentarily, because I have a slew of birthdays and the holidays coming up, but I'm trying to change up my style, because I feel I'm boxing myself in fashionably.
What are some of the blogs you read?
You're trying to get me cursed out if I don't mention someone. Everyday, I look at In the Mix with Trent and Keith Boykin. About three times a week I see if Clay Cane has written anything new. Although you gotta stay up on clay because he writes some hot stuff and then it's missing when you go back. Those are the mainstays, it seems that a lot of the other black gay bloggers are posting infrequently right now. It's sort of what happens, I've noticed that the seasons change and everyone changes with how much they post. but once the winter hits there will be tons of posts, and new bloggers to meet. I enjoy meeting the new bloggers, and seeing who will stay and who won't. But besides that Omar, Charles X , D-Place, Bobby Brown Jr. Rodney, Ms. Pam, Afrodyke, Ladynay, Motivated Ho, LJ, I can’t name everyone. I hope no one gets mad. But my favorite blog I would have to say is Smiling on the DL, which transitioned to the unconquerable Soul. His blog always makes me smile and there is just so much growth that he expresses.
What do you want to study in college?
Right now, I want to study a myriad of things. But basically about sex and sexuality. I don't have everything coordinated right now, and it's driving my mother and father insane. But I want to be a sexpert or sex therapist or something in that field.
What about a career in writing?
I'm currently working on a novel. It's still in the outlining period because I had to rework some things out. It's in the very early phases. I'm still on the first chapter. Before you ask, so far, it's about gay teens of color in Philadelphia. I want to portray real gay teens and not what's in media, or what's in other gay teen fiction. I have read a lot of gay teen fiction and I've only come across one character in Jess Mowry's book Babylon Boyz that I think is a real example of a gay teen in the inner city. Although the book wasn't solely about him, because he was a supporting character. Most books with gay teens has the boys sad and grappling with who they are, and although that is a reality that a lot of gay people face. I want to show different facets then the one sided, boy-who-is-afraid-to-go-to-the-GSA-meeting-finally-goes-and realizes-that-the-football-team-leader-is-there, type book.
When is your date with queer kid of color?
How unprofessional? Marz and the Queer Kid of color will go on a date sometime next year. I have a busy schedule and I'm trying to get all my applications, scholarships, grades, and everything else together. It will probably be sometime next year in the spring, late spring. Because hopefully I'll get into NYU, and I'll be in NEW YORK more frequently.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Chronicles of Marz part 1
Enjoy this lovely conversation I had with marz from http://mty05-09-blogspot.com
Describe yourself in one word.
Peculiar.
Why did you decide to create a blog?
Creating my blog sort of just happened. When I was as young as six, I would write; but someone would find my writings and make a big deal. After my writings were found I would quit writing, but eventually find a more secure way to write until that was foiled. I found the blog of this gay black blogger who I can't seem to find. But saw that he chronicled his life in high school, and thought to myself, " I'm not a great writer at all, but I can write a sentence." Blogging sort of became the new secure place for me. At first I was going to write a blog that I would take one important headline from the news and talk about how it made me feel and then talk about very simplistic things that happened in my day. "Today I stubbed my foot in the door, and it hurts." But the second day of blogging my life just seemed to envelop my blog and it's become what it is today.
You recently came out, tell us about your coming out.
It was a burning hot mess. It happened the night before my finals for my summer college courses, with my mother and I sitting in the kitchen whispering so no one would hear. She told me that someone that goes to my church saw me in the part of Philadelphia that is frequented by homosexuals, "the gayborhood". But the person that was spotted wasn't me. But then my mother began asking me all of these questions trying to sound politically correct, "so how would you describe your sexual preference, and we've never held a discussion about your sexual orientation". I was ready to come out to my parents because I felt secure in being gay. But I had it planned in a different setting and time, and definitely not the night before finals. She was in denial, and I still think that she is. But who knows what may happen. I know there will be some difficulties because of her preconceived notions of homosexuals, and because both of my parents are ministers and it directly contradicts their beliefs, especially as Pentecostal Christians. So it's like I'll have to fight her stereotypes along with her misinterpretation of the bible.
Are you out in school?
I don't quite know about this one, because I cant even answer it. Sort of. It's very strange. In freshman year I was very flamboyant and loud and extroverted, however I was nowhere in acceptance of my sexuality. I told everyone that I was straight, because I didn't want to have to bear the burden of being the gay kid and being harassed in the manner I was in middle school, or have my parents find out. My socially unacceptable behaviors almost got me shot in North Philly near my school. I then tried to portray what is deemed as the characteristics of a heterosexual, because then I would be treated with the same respect that heterosexual males are treated. Since I was known as the gay kid nothing changed. But, now as a senior I think everyone has sort of gotten the fact that I am gay. Like last year the teacher who ran the GLBTSA came to me saying that she thought I had wanted to join and invited me on a field trip they were doing when I didn't say anything to her about joining. But some of my closer friends and associates have enough common sense to link together that my religious household and my orientation wouldn’t mesh well with my parents. I'm going to come out in school soon, because my school is homophobic only towards the males. I feel as though I could help in at least starting tolerance. However, I don't want to become the token gay student and also the target of 700 other children's opinions on which gender I like. It's very complicated. I don't personally know what every person in my school thinks of me or my orientation. I just don’t know. But I haven't declared it in front of the student body.
How did it feel to win Best Teen Blog? I truly didn't think I was going to win. I was surprised when I was nominated. I knew that a lot of people that I voted for all told me that they voted for me and I was the only person who should win that award. The day that the winners were supposed to be announced I woke up early to come see if I had won, and the winners weren't up. I gagged. Because with the nominations they posted them directly at 12:01 a.m., and it was 10:00 a.m. and I was thinking maybe I had the wrong date, but I didn't. Later that night when I went to check if I had won I was forbidden to do so by my father who put me on punishment for not closing windows. However, a lot of people were writing me saying that I am going to win, and I won, and things of that nature. So I wrote my acceptance speech, earlier that morning. I was going to post it, but again I didn't want to post it and lose and look salty, or post it before it was announced and I look like a bragger or boastful. The next morning I logged onto the website and the winners were up and I scrolled down slowly, and my heart got faster. I was flipping out, then I got to the one before teen blog, and then scrolled down real quick and back up afraid to look, but I saw the border of my blog. I was so happy, and felt so, " they really like me". I wanted to share it with someone that I had the best teen blog in America, but no one I know knows that I blog, or lets on that they know.
Are you single? If not, tell us about the lucky person.
Non-technically I'm my boyfriend because I believe you have to love yourself before you can love anybody, and I've lived in years of self hatred as a pre-teen so I have very high values on my personal self love. But technically, I'm single. I see love and relationships differently because I grew up around mostly married couples. So I see love in the full view beyond that. I'm in no rush for anything romantic, I'm still so young. I practice and promote abstinence, practice what you preach and all like that.
What are your plans after high school?
College. My first choice now is Cornell, but I'm looking at NYU realistically. The other schools are Fordham, Penn, Temple, and Howard. I just hope that I get accepted into the school that is right for me. I am constantly praying about it now because I don't want to make the wrong choice, because my college education is very important to me.
How do you feel being black-gay-male?
That is such a deep question and I don't think I can answer it fully. I understand the struggles that go along with it better now. Because I remember reading James Early Hardy novels at thirteen and E. Lynn Harris at fifteen and saying, "I don't know why these characters keep complaining about how hard it is being a black gay man, I wish they would stop being so,’ woe is me,' and move on with their lives." But as I lived life I saw. Around April this year it finally hit me hard about the contrast of gender roles, and the double standards that exists with different races. I wrote something about it's so hard, and all I could hear was me at fourteen, "I wish you would shut up and stop being so woe is me". It was one of those realizations you get with maturing. Like when you finally understand something your parents have been saying for FOREVER. That you just flagged off as them being droll. I feel it's a distinct road to walk in life, especially if you choose to walk it and not ignore the path you know you're destined to travel and only the strong survive and overcome the adversities there is to face.
When did you "find out" that you were gay?
I think it is a process that never seems to end in defining yourself and your sexuality and who you are. But the first time it dawned on me was the weekend before my parents renewed their vows when I was nine. I was pulling a prank on this older boy who was always so angry. His younger cousin and I put Sega Genesis cartridges down his pants as he slept. I went to put a few down his boxers and I saw his butt and liked it a bit too much. It was strange. Around that time I had start having boy on boy dreams, and I would be kissing cops, and would wake up thinking, "Why am I having these dreams, and why do I like them so much?"
Who are your role models? I don't really believe in having role models per say because some people get so caught up in trying to be like someone else that they don't shine at who they are. However, the people that have qualities that I hope to have are so varied. Nikki Giovanni and James Baldwin for their writing capabilities and how they are just so different. I also hope to write something that is somewhat as classical as theirs in capturing life. Jesus for being so forgiving throughout his life. Because learning how to forgive is so hard. Overall, I'm inspired by people who are individuals and strive to be seen as such, and their inner beauty shines through, and you just have to stop in awe of them. Because that's the type of person I want to be.
Tomorrow part 2
Thursday, December 14, 2006
What is love, really? And am I the perfect boyfriend?
A few postings ago I said that I was in love. Am I really in love or is it infatuation? You know, so many people toss the word “I love you” around. I’ve said I love you to a few guys. But I think it was more infatuation rather than love. I never stood up and thought about the person or never ran home to talk on the phone with them. The great thing I find about me is that I’m patient. I can wait. I can wait for a relationship. I’m not in a hurry to fall in love [contrary to my own beliefs] I’m happy and satisfy with myself now. The question isn’t am I ready for a relationship? But is someone ready for me?
I have always pride myself in believing that I’m the perfect boyfriend. I have confidence. I articulate myself. I’m attractive. I have a great personality. I command respect. My presence is known. And to top it all of…I’m cool.
I think you know you’re in love, when you KNOW it cant get any better than the person you’re with now.
With that said…I have loved. But I have never been in love.
I’m 18 years old. I’ll take my time.
I have always pride myself in believing that I’m the perfect boyfriend. I have confidence. I articulate myself. I’m attractive. I have a great personality. I command respect. My presence is known. And to top it all of…I’m cool.
I think you know you’re in love, when you KNOW it cant get any better than the person you’re with now.
With that said…I have loved. But I have never been in love.
I’m 18 years old. I’ll take my time.
The T on Today's Show
Check out the newest blogger to Black Gay Land...
http://whatsthet.blogspot.com/
http://whatsthet.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Redefine Me Please part 1
I grew up in the ghetto streets of Brooklyn, where every inch of asphalt is cramped with hood boys and 9-year-old kids puff cigarettes inside the project stairways. My home was made in a place where mothers forget to give their daughters curfews and the gravel on the pavement is always dirty with filth and old needles and the occasional bullet casing. These streets of my childhood were home to memories of being robbed, beaten, cursed at by roves of gangsta kids whose best insult was a hurled 'faggot' and a snickering response. I could have retorted with a litany of insults, ones designed to injure, but it was pointless, these kids hadn't read enough to even begin to comprehend the three-syllable words slipping from my lips.
It was this place, of kids who support their parents by selling drugs from the tenement stairwells, in which I found myself drift apart from my world. Intelligence other than street smarts was not valued, and I had it in spades: reading, writing, any art I could delve into I managed to excel in. But being a nerd gave no bonuses in my childhood, and the fact that I was a dreamer amongst so many whose dreams had long ago been choked off and died out, those who saw nothing further than the dollar bill and the new fad things, that was the first strike against me.
Not only was I a live spirit walking amongst the dead, as I hit my teenage years, I realized that I had drifted even further apart from those I had once played with in the streets of Brooklyn. Sexuality didn't hit me like a train, the way it hit the other boys who busied themselves making girls into baby's momma's. No, mine came about through people who slipped in and out of my life like well-placed characters in a detective novel, each one planting a small clue. The girl who asked me, 'Are you gay?', the teachers who tried to awkwardly converse with me about sexual identity, the boys who asked me to blow them in the school’s bathroom. I was not the typical gay man with his swinging steps and effeminate personality. I did not have a lisp or a limp wrist or a stereotype by which I lived, but I was assumed to be gay because I was not only street smart but book smart, I was not only book smart but college bound.
It was this place, of kids who support their parents by selling drugs from the tenement stairwells, in which I found myself drift apart from my world. Intelligence other than street smarts was not valued, and I had it in spades: reading, writing, any art I could delve into I managed to excel in. But being a nerd gave no bonuses in my childhood, and the fact that I was a dreamer amongst so many whose dreams had long ago been choked off and died out, those who saw nothing further than the dollar bill and the new fad things, that was the first strike against me.
Not only was I a live spirit walking amongst the dead, as I hit my teenage years, I realized that I had drifted even further apart from those I had once played with in the streets of Brooklyn. Sexuality didn't hit me like a train, the way it hit the other boys who busied themselves making girls into baby's momma's. No, mine came about through people who slipped in and out of my life like well-placed characters in a detective novel, each one planting a small clue. The girl who asked me, 'Are you gay?', the teachers who tried to awkwardly converse with me about sexual identity, the boys who asked me to blow them in the school’s bathroom. I was not the typical gay man with his swinging steps and effeminate personality. I did not have a lisp or a limp wrist or a stereotype by which I lived, but I was assumed to be gay because I was not only street smart but book smart, I was not only book smart but college bound.
Sex & Beyond
10) Snow Balling
There’s nothing cute about ejaculating in someone’s mouth and then having them pass it on to a third person. That’s disgusting.
9) Calling a guy’s ass “pussy”
What the fuck? Since when does someone’s ass become a vagina. What’s arousing about calling someone’s ass “butt-gina”? It’s nasty. Cut it out.
8) Emulating Tops
Bitch, because you don’t want to be looked off as a bottom doesn’t mean you have to go play dress up and dress “trade” or like a “thug” because you think the only way you’re going to get yourself a piece of ass is by looking like a stereotypical top. It’s nasty. Stop it.
7) I am not your Lover
Don’t go thinking about the guy you saw on Christopher Street while you’re making love to your man. That’s just wrong on so many levels.
6) I am not Trent Jackson
Just because Trent J., puts up a blog and talks about his very fulfilling sexual life does not mean you have to go out and copy his sex life. There can only be one Trent J., and I’m sleeping with him….soon.
5) I am not your daddy
Stop calling your top a daddy. He didn’t sperminate your mother. Don’t call me daddy. Don’t scream out my name. Don’t say “give it to me daddy”. I didn’t sperminate your mother.
4) Do not make assumptions
I hate it when I’m looked at as a top, thought off as a piece of trade, or am said to be “realness with a twist”.
3) Polygamy is the new prostitution
The title says it all.
2) Penis Size
If you’re a size queen who only fucks around with people who have an 8 inch penis or a booty-full ass you really need to evaluate your life.
1) Just say “no”
Urinating on someone, defecating on someone, cumming in someone’s mouth, rimming, sucking toes, is disgusting. Learn how to say no to these things. You have morals. I hope.
There’s nothing cute about ejaculating in someone’s mouth and then having them pass it on to a third person. That’s disgusting.
9) Calling a guy’s ass “pussy”
What the fuck? Since when does someone’s ass become a vagina. What’s arousing about calling someone’s ass “butt-gina”? It’s nasty. Cut it out.
8) Emulating Tops
Bitch, because you don’t want to be looked off as a bottom doesn’t mean you have to go play dress up and dress “trade” or like a “thug” because you think the only way you’re going to get yourself a piece of ass is by looking like a stereotypical top. It’s nasty. Stop it.
7) I am not your Lover
Don’t go thinking about the guy you saw on Christopher Street while you’re making love to your man. That’s just wrong on so many levels.
6) I am not Trent Jackson
Just because Trent J., puts up a blog and talks about his very fulfilling sexual life does not mean you have to go out and copy his sex life. There can only be one Trent J., and I’m sleeping with him….soon.
5) I am not your daddy
Stop calling your top a daddy. He didn’t sperminate your mother. Don’t call me daddy. Don’t scream out my name. Don’t say “give it to me daddy”. I didn’t sperminate your mother.
4) Do not make assumptions
I hate it when I’m looked at as a top, thought off as a piece of trade, or am said to be “realness with a twist”.
3) Polygamy is the new prostitution
The title says it all.
2) Penis Size
If you’re a size queen who only fucks around with people who have an 8 inch penis or a booty-full ass you really need to evaluate your life.
1) Just say “no”
Urinating on someone, defecating on someone, cumming in someone’s mouth, rimming, sucking toes, is disgusting. Learn how to say no to these things. You have morals. I hope.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Noah's Arc will not return...
In a bulletin I found...This is what it states:
Please say it ain't so my boy who works for MTV told me that yesterday one of the high executives there told and assure him that the decision as been made Noah's Arc will not be returning for season 3 (they are focusing on new shows and programing) and that season 2 its been shelf and will not be release on DVD because of the poor sales of season One and low ratings He expect they will announce it first thing Jan of 2007.
Please say it ain't so my boy who works for MTV told me that yesterday one of the high executives there told and assure him that the decision as been made Noah's Arc will not be returning for season 3 (they are focusing on new shows and programing) and that season 2 its been shelf and will not be release on DVD because of the poor sales of season One and low ratings He expect they will announce it first thing Jan of 2007.
Is it just me...
Has anyone notice how boring it is to be straight?
or is just me?
The only thing good about being straight is that its less depressing.
or is just me?
The only thing good about being straight is that its less depressing.
Monday, December 04, 2006
The Most Homophobic Homosexual: THE CAPTAIN
Every black gay blogger knows who he is. We've read his comments, we've argued with him through emails, we've made him so popular, his name is now a catch phrase. The Captain, who doesn't consider himself gay, but is trying hard not to be a homosexual, did an interview with me last Thursday. And FINALLY he answers up front WHAT HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION REALLY IS--AND WHAT HE SAYS--REALLY WOULDN'T SURPRISE YOU.
P.S. Whatever The Captain believe in is cool--even though I disagree--he's still a cool person.
Enjoy.
Queer Kid: Ok I'm going to start off with the question everyone wants to know; are you gay?
Captain: Good question. I never confess I am gay.
Queer Kid: Are you:?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Are you bi?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Straight?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Asexual?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Then, what?
Captain: Neither one, I cannot make a definitive confession as I am dealing with sexuality and learning to stir away from vile affection for men.
Queer Kid: Why are you trying to stir away?
Captain: I am persuaded that homosexuality is wrong and improper within our humanity.
Queer Kid: How old are you?
Captain: I am 25
Queer Kid: So you're gay but you're trying to stir away?
Captain: I never confess I am gay. If I say that, then I am bound to the validity that I accept the notion of my attraction to men, which I do not accept.
Queer Kid: Ok I read on your blog that you're a vers/bottom. Please explain.
Captain: That was the sexual role I played when I was engaged in sexual activities with other men.
Queer Kid: When did you decide that being gay was a bad thing?
Captain: I always knew it was wrong, even from my Christian home where I grew up, it was taught this was a sin and immoral.
Queer Kid: Ok first off. You're not gay.
Captain: No
Queer Kid: You're a homosexual.
Captain: No
Queer Kid: There's a difference.
Captain: I cannot confess as I do not accept neither, despite the differences thereof.
Queer Kid: You're a homosexual. You're not apart of the lifestyle or the scene, yet that's your orientation.
Captain: Incorrect. I do not accept this as my orientation.
Queer Kid: Then what's your orientation
Captain: incomplete
Queer Kid: There's no such thing.
Captain: There is.
Queer Kid: Are you depressed?
Captain: No
Queer Kid: If you grew up knowing that homosexuality was a sin, then why did you still perform homosexual activities?
Captain: Good question. It's like the curious child wanting to touch the pan of baked cookies after his mother say to him not to touch the pan. My curiosity overtook my teachings as I wanted to experience what it was like to be involved with another man in a sexual manner. Unfortunately, I continued not knowing the spiritual detriment that came along with it.
Queer Kid: When was the last time you had sex:?
Captain: Nearly a year ago
Queer Kid: Do you think you're oppressing yourself:?
Captain: No, I do not feel that way. I do know that who I am is a work in progress to make correct to be acceptable to God.
Queer Kid: Now the truth of the matter is that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin.
Queer Kid: That's a reality--that's what it says.
Captain: Yes, I agree.
Queer Kid: But we have to understand the media and news misinterpret facts everyday. This book has been around for over 2,000 years.
Captain: I agree, but this book still has power and has been the guide for all humanity for over 2, 000 years as well.
Queer Kid: If you're not gay why do you read blogs by gay bloggers:?
Captain: Well, I read all types of blogs. Rather gay, straight, entertainment, personal, it is open and free to be read. I am fully diverse with the activities of the gay world and in order for me to help others who struggle in their orientation, I need to be aware of the things that are happening.
Queer Kid: Struggle in their orientation? That's bullshit. I don’t struggle.
Just because you're oppressing your sexuality doesn’t mean everyone feels it’s wrong.
Captain: No, many people struggle with the identity of their orientation and/or the change needed they wish to make.
Queer Kid: I think you crave attention. And the truth of the matter is you're getting it.
Captain: No, I crave no attention as I am an average person like the next man.
Queer Kid: Your blog is 85 percent on being gay and sinful.
Captain: Yes, I speak candidly and often about this subject.
Queer Kid: Often also known as all the time. Why do you call yourself "The Captain"?
Captain: Good Question. I am called the Captain because of my role in an organization I use to be apart of long ago.
Queer Kid: Okay, why do you still call yourself The Captain:?
Captain: Some people in the past that still know me refer to me as such and I guess it is do with the out spoken knowledge and wisdom I share with others.
Queer Kid: I think you share what you think is knowledge and wisdom. What sort of things have you done to "cure" your homosexuality?
Captain: There is nothing for "me" to do. This is in the hands of God.
Queer Kid: What if you're wrong? What if homosexuality isn’t a sin? If God didn't want you to be gay, don't you think you'll be straight?
Captain: I certainly understand your thought. What proof can you provide that say it is not a sin?
Queer Kid: 2,000 years of crusades, war, and ignorant proof.
Captain: However, can you deny the reports of people who successfully changed their orientation and are happily attached with the opposite sex? We have an organization, such as Exodus International, that document such reports of people who seek God and dealt with the immorality they were in. I will even further say homosexuality is a spirit that enters our soulish realm that influence and entice the wonders and pleasures of our flesh.
This by no means has nothing to do with past wars and debates within the church or the bible.
Queer Kid: Why don't you get an exorcism?
Captain: Exorcisms are for those who recognize demons exist, but don't fully understand demonic operations or how to confront them.
Queer Kid: That's soulish, isn't it:?
Captain: Clarify.
Queer Kid: You said that its a spirit that enters our soul. Isn't that what a demon is:?
Captain: Well, demons enter many ways to our lives. I posted a four part article series by Apostle John Eckhardt of Chicago, a Pastor who have been dealing with study of demons and how it affects us as humans and us as Christians.
Queer Kid: Are you happy?
Captain: Yes, I am happy
Queer Kid: What do you do for a living besides bash gay people?
Captain: I bash no gay person, for I was too a gay male. I am an Executive Consultant
Queer Kid: Do you have gay friends?
Captain: Yes, I do
Queer Kid: I have to ask this question; who are some of your favorite gay bloggers and least favorite?
Captain: I read Keith Boykin, Darian, Cash S, Mr. Franklin, Fuzzy, Shawnqt, Clay Cane, Trent Jackson, E, That Dude, Phillybred, Chicagoblknazn, and a host of others. I don't think I have a least favorite, maybe those who do not regularly update as often as these bloggers.
Yes, of course, yours and Marz. I can't think of everyone.
Queer Kid: Be honest with me now, did you like being gay?
Captain: Honestly, No
Queer Kid: You didn't like the sex?
Captain: Yes, because it is pleasing to the flesh, but death to my spirit and soul.
Queer Kid: What's your religion:?
Captain: Christian
Queer Kid: That's not a religion.
Captain: Then I have no religion
Queer Kid: So let me get this straight; you're a Christian yet you think homosexuality is wrong because its in the Bible? That's contradicting.
Captain: How so?
Queer Kid: Because people who follow religion use Bible. You don’t follow religion.
You're so basing what you think on homosexuality on nothing.
Captain: Well, let me grasp your definition of religion. Tell me.
Queer Kid: Go define religion and Christianity. Religion can mean being Catholic, Hindu, Pentecostal, Baptist etc., Where they follow a set and rules and standards.
Queer Kid: Christians however do not.
Captain: Interesting. I see where the division of thought is coming from.
Queer Kid: Do you believe in Jesus:?
Captain: Yes, I do
Queer Kid: So I'll ask again. Since you're not in a religion. What do you based your Christianity on?
Captain: Well, you will need to modify your question because it is invalid. Christianity, in the holistic state, is considered a religion; amongst the top five religions in the world, which are Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. My faith is in Jesus Christ.
Queer Kid: You are being redundant now. Have you learned anything from this interview?
Captain: Nothing for me to learn.
P.S. Whatever The Captain believe in is cool--even though I disagree--he's still a cool person.
Enjoy.
Queer Kid: Ok I'm going to start off with the question everyone wants to know; are you gay?
Captain: Good question. I never confess I am gay.
Queer Kid: Are you:?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Are you bi?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Straight?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Asexual?
Captain: No.
Queer Kid: Then, what?
Captain: Neither one, I cannot make a definitive confession as I am dealing with sexuality and learning to stir away from vile affection for men.
Queer Kid: Why are you trying to stir away?
Captain: I am persuaded that homosexuality is wrong and improper within our humanity.
Queer Kid: How old are you?
Captain: I am 25
Queer Kid: So you're gay but you're trying to stir away?
Captain: I never confess I am gay. If I say that, then I am bound to the validity that I accept the notion of my attraction to men, which I do not accept.
Queer Kid: Ok I read on your blog that you're a vers/bottom. Please explain.
Captain: That was the sexual role I played when I was engaged in sexual activities with other men.
Queer Kid: When did you decide that being gay was a bad thing?
Captain: I always knew it was wrong, even from my Christian home where I grew up, it was taught this was a sin and immoral.
Queer Kid: Ok first off. You're not gay.
Captain: No
Queer Kid: You're a homosexual.
Captain: No
Queer Kid: There's a difference.
Captain: I cannot confess as I do not accept neither, despite the differences thereof.
Queer Kid: You're a homosexual. You're not apart of the lifestyle or the scene, yet that's your orientation.
Captain: Incorrect. I do not accept this as my orientation.
Queer Kid: Then what's your orientation
Captain: incomplete
Queer Kid: There's no such thing.
Captain: There is.
Queer Kid: Are you depressed?
Captain: No
Queer Kid: If you grew up knowing that homosexuality was a sin, then why did you still perform homosexual activities?
Captain: Good question. It's like the curious child wanting to touch the pan of baked cookies after his mother say to him not to touch the pan. My curiosity overtook my teachings as I wanted to experience what it was like to be involved with another man in a sexual manner. Unfortunately, I continued not knowing the spiritual detriment that came along with it.
Queer Kid: When was the last time you had sex:?
Captain: Nearly a year ago
Queer Kid: Do you think you're oppressing yourself:?
Captain: No, I do not feel that way. I do know that who I am is a work in progress to make correct to be acceptable to God.
Queer Kid: Now the truth of the matter is that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin.
Queer Kid: That's a reality--that's what it says.
Captain: Yes, I agree.
Queer Kid: But we have to understand the media and news misinterpret facts everyday. This book has been around for over 2,000 years.
Captain: I agree, but this book still has power and has been the guide for all humanity for over 2, 000 years as well.
Queer Kid: If you're not gay why do you read blogs by gay bloggers:?
Captain: Well, I read all types of blogs. Rather gay, straight, entertainment, personal, it is open and free to be read. I am fully diverse with the activities of the gay world and in order for me to help others who struggle in their orientation, I need to be aware of the things that are happening.
Queer Kid: Struggle in their orientation? That's bullshit. I don’t struggle.
Just because you're oppressing your sexuality doesn’t mean everyone feels it’s wrong.
Captain: No, many people struggle with the identity of their orientation and/or the change needed they wish to make.
Queer Kid: I think you crave attention. And the truth of the matter is you're getting it.
Captain: No, I crave no attention as I am an average person like the next man.
Queer Kid: Your blog is 85 percent on being gay and sinful.
Captain: Yes, I speak candidly and often about this subject.
Queer Kid: Often also known as all the time. Why do you call yourself "The Captain"?
Captain: Good Question. I am called the Captain because of my role in an organization I use to be apart of long ago.
Queer Kid: Okay, why do you still call yourself The Captain:?
Captain: Some people in the past that still know me refer to me as such and I guess it is do with the out spoken knowledge and wisdom I share with others.
Queer Kid: I think you share what you think is knowledge and wisdom. What sort of things have you done to "cure" your homosexuality?
Captain: There is nothing for "me" to do. This is in the hands of God.
Queer Kid: What if you're wrong? What if homosexuality isn’t a sin? If God didn't want you to be gay, don't you think you'll be straight?
Captain: I certainly understand your thought. What proof can you provide that say it is not a sin?
Queer Kid: 2,000 years of crusades, war, and ignorant proof.
Captain: However, can you deny the reports of people who successfully changed their orientation and are happily attached with the opposite sex? We have an organization, such as Exodus International, that document such reports of people who seek God and dealt with the immorality they were in. I will even further say homosexuality is a spirit that enters our soulish realm that influence and entice the wonders and pleasures of our flesh.
This by no means has nothing to do with past wars and debates within the church or the bible.
Queer Kid: Why don't you get an exorcism?
Captain: Exorcisms are for those who recognize demons exist, but don't fully understand demonic operations or how to confront them.
Queer Kid: That's soulish, isn't it:?
Captain: Clarify.
Queer Kid: You said that its a spirit that enters our soul. Isn't that what a demon is:?
Captain: Well, demons enter many ways to our lives. I posted a four part article series by Apostle John Eckhardt of Chicago, a Pastor who have been dealing with study of demons and how it affects us as humans and us as Christians.
Queer Kid: Are you happy?
Captain: Yes, I am happy
Queer Kid: What do you do for a living besides bash gay people?
Captain: I bash no gay person, for I was too a gay male. I am an Executive Consultant
Queer Kid: Do you have gay friends?
Captain: Yes, I do
Queer Kid: I have to ask this question; who are some of your favorite gay bloggers and least favorite?
Captain: I read Keith Boykin, Darian, Cash S, Mr. Franklin, Fuzzy, Shawnqt, Clay Cane, Trent Jackson, E, That Dude, Phillybred, Chicagoblknazn, and a host of others. I don't think I have a least favorite, maybe those who do not regularly update as often as these bloggers.
Yes, of course, yours and Marz. I can't think of everyone.
Queer Kid: Be honest with me now, did you like being gay?
Captain: Honestly, No
Queer Kid: You didn't like the sex?
Captain: Yes, because it is pleasing to the flesh, but death to my spirit and soul.
Queer Kid: What's your religion:?
Captain: Christian
Queer Kid: That's not a religion.
Captain: Then I have no religion
Queer Kid: So let me get this straight; you're a Christian yet you think homosexuality is wrong because its in the Bible? That's contradicting.
Captain: How so?
Queer Kid: Because people who follow religion use Bible. You don’t follow religion.
You're so basing what you think on homosexuality on nothing.
Captain: Well, let me grasp your definition of religion. Tell me.
Queer Kid: Go define religion and Christianity. Religion can mean being Catholic, Hindu, Pentecostal, Baptist etc., Where they follow a set and rules and standards.
Queer Kid: Christians however do not.
Captain: Interesting. I see where the division of thought is coming from.
Queer Kid: Do you believe in Jesus:?
Captain: Yes, I do
Queer Kid: So I'll ask again. Since you're not in a religion. What do you based your Christianity on?
Captain: Well, you will need to modify your question because it is invalid. Christianity, in the holistic state, is considered a religion; amongst the top five religions in the world, which are Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. My faith is in Jesus Christ.
Queer Kid: You are being redundant now. Have you learned anything from this interview?
Captain: Nothing for me to learn.
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